Lots of Worries

I've did a severe mistake on Monday. AGAIN! It's repeated after i did the same mistake 1 year ago. It's impacted a lot a lot!! I feel so down and frustrated..I felt sooo angry of myself, why am i always making the mistakes even the minor one... :'( I've tried to calm myself down with soft music but coudn't help at all, my mind keep refreshed what i've actually did. I thought i will be alright after a good sleep but i don't.

Tuesday: another working day, i'm fear to back to the office. I've thinked of taking MC to escape from facing the facts. But I don't, i went. I checked email immediately whether it has been solved. He showed me how management and client fed up about the matter, showed me how severe and impactness is it. Yea, I know that's about my carelessness! I really know it, i'm regretted!! This case really demotivated me.. I read the same email repeated again and again, i felt so sorry and hate about myself. My tears started to drop. I hate myself being so fragile, easily become cry baby. Am i really suit to this field? I told myself," Let's forget the past!!! Don't give up! Be careful and don't repeat it ever again, not to dissappoint those who trusted me all this while!" I'm so pleased that Boss was still trying to cheer me up in the meeting. "I'm happy that you admit your mistake and did apologize about it. Don't let this mistake demotivated you! Please be careful next time." His thoughts makes me feel a lil relieve. I'm happy to have an understanding boss.

Wednesday: i've been approached to him again. He reminded me again my mistake!!!! :'( How difficult am i tried adjusting my feeling 2 nights and I feel better now. It's solved. However, he non-stop refreshed me about my mistakes. I'm really pressured.... "Why should you keep repeating again, again and again. I tried very hard to forget it, can you don't talk it anymore?" But he said, "Everyone of you has different point of view. Some will appreaciate whereby they wanted to know the back-scene for those email which not looping anyone of you but some of you are not. So I choose to reveal to you" SORRY i really don't think so. I thinked it's over, I know what am i suppose to do next, it's just give me too much pressure and makes me uncomfortable about it.

I don't wish any cynical view from anyone out there! I'm gonna proved that i really can take this pressure. I thought i really can make it!! As at today, I just realised i gave too much of pressure to myself, frighten myself in different situation. Truth, i did it all correctly but don't know how's my guts feeling tell me some might be wrong :'( I checked again, again and again and finally realise i just frighten myself.

I thinked i might need a psychologist for counseling now!!!! Easily getting nervous and always guessing. I might getting crazy soon. Am i diagnosed with depression now???????? :( PLEASE HELP!!!!!

My 2 weeks holiday is starting very soon. I hope i can utilise this time, recovering from "illness" very soon and everything back to normal.

Anyway, THANK YOU SO MUCH for giving me support during my down time :)



深一深呼吸，把瓶頸的困擾忘掉；放開胸懷，迎接美好的一天。我希望我能做得到！麗玲，加油哦！！！！！